China’s state-run Global Times on Wednesday castigated Western reviewers for criticizing Disney’s upcoming live-action remake of Mulan.

According to the Chinese Communist paper, negative reactions to the trailer for Mulan are dishonest and politicized, while Disney should be applauded for retelling a great Chinese “patriotic saga.”

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The Global Times looked beyond the heartbreaking absence of sassy midget dragons in the live-action Mulan trailer to praise the lovely cinematography and brisk action choreography on display in the trailer, which makes the Spring 2020 release look like Crouching Tiger, REALLY Well-Hidden Dragon. 

Global audiences dismayed over the severe shortage of movies about tiny women beating the hell out of men twice their size will doubtless embrace the Disney film’s exciting action scenes, but the Chinese Communist Party would like everyone to meditate on the patriotic qualities of the legend of Hua Mulan. The Global Times said:

Admirers of Chinese history and culture around the world are more than a little annoyed with the Chinese Communist Party co-opting legends that predate its existence by centuries. The Communist Party, for its part, is severely annoyed with people who notice that American film studios are bending over backward to please it so they can maintain access to the lucrative Chinese box office. The Global Times remarked:

Better tread carefully, Global Times! One more crack about artificially infusing classic tales with feminist ideology and you’ll be torn to shreds by the maenads currently eviscerating the “misogynists” who shrugged at the trailer for the new Terminator movie. The Global Times said:

That is a lot of baggage to load onto a 90-second trailer for a movie that will not be out until next year, which might give Disney enough time to throw in a few songs and render a wisecracking lizard. 

The original Mulan was fun. If Americans want the fun sucked out of their movies, Hollywood has plenty of homegrown scolds and ideologues who can handle the job without any help from Beijing. The appetite of world audiences for a grim lecture on Chinese nationalism might be a bit less than the Global Times anticipates.